Tokyo Diamond

At the Nihonbashi Gate, you glance at the izakaya across the tracks and slip a hand into the side pocket of your yellow raincoat. Then, with the faintest of smiles, you slip it out again and place both hands together in tight fists on your lap. You seem lost in thought when suddenly, in a choreographed dance, your hands open like two fans, move apart, flutter down to your sides, where they rest an instant, your palms pressing against the smooth wood of the bench, before your fingers curl, taking hold of the edge.

A trio of Japanese ladies dressed in red Kimonos cross your path, laughing amongst themselves. Straight-faced, you lean forward and swing, as if in a playground: your legs straight out for the flight into the air, then bending beneath you again for the return. You repeat this action. Three times. Your shoes are white leather, with a low heel. The top of your foot is bare. They’re dancing shoes. When raised, they catch the light and shine.

You watch the ladies as they cross the bridge to the other side, laughing all the while. With a flash of red, they enter the izakaya through revolving glass doors, fitted with panels of crystal, like a polished diamond.

Again, you slip your hand into your pocket, only this time you keep it there. Until you stand up. The movement is so sudden, caused by some outward force, a desperate shout for help, a call to retreat or attack, the arrival of your train. But there is silence: no more trains will come tonight, and the laughter of the ladies in kimonos has by now taken a seat at the bar. You stand before me, like a ballerina on the tips of your toes, and then you move, taking the shape of the letter K: left side soldier straight, right arm up, right leg out.

I wait for you to see me. Let me see what you have in your pocket. Is it a coin? Will it be enough to pay for that soul saving cup of coffee, enough to make a call? Have you forgotten to say goodbye? You look away from where I am, and you stare hard and long down the tracks, in both directions, to the end, and then to the beginning.

Somehow, with nobody going in or out, the revolving doors of the izakaya begin to spin and out slips the distinct, inviting sound of a metal spoon set down on a ceramic saucer, like it’s being sent out to greet you personally. You pirouette, then stop, and, facing the izakaya, you stride forward, your dancing shoes tapping across the marble platform.

And I watch you vanish, into the laughter and warmth, through those revolving diamond doors.

The Hourglass

I’m looking out the window when a hand rests on my shoulder. I turn slowly. Holding a candle, my sister Lucia steps back.   

‘There’s something you should see,’ she says.

Again, I stare out the window, into the darkness. As the eldest, and because my eyes are the strongest, I keep watch. Since last the sun was seen, I’ve kept time for 365 nights, marked in the absence of daylight by the vigilant turning of the hourglass. While alone, I pass the time sketching the dancing shadows on the walls around me. Faceless figures trapped in the narrow space between the glass bulbs.

I glance up at Lucia, attempt to discern her expression in the flickering light. When first the sun died, everything seemed cast in the mood of a Rembrandt painting. There was romance in it. But soon I longed for brightness. The reds, yellows, purples that didn’t appear washed-out in coffee. Those blues and greens which are now a memory, or dreams that one wakes from knowing they will never appear again. I keep my eyes on the sand seeping into the bottom half. I remember how my father used the same apparatus to time my geography lessons: how the sand rushed, running out before I could finish. Never enough time. How my perceptions have changed. My point of orientation had always been colour, so now in the near darkness I feel lost. If not for time. There are moments when I find myself counting each grain, the slow fall of endless time. Not immortality, but slow death.

‘I shouldn’t leave,’ I say.

‘Please,’ she says, ‘it will only take a minute.’

‘Only a minute?’ I smile.

She runs to the door, rests her hand on the doorknob, hesitant. Then she opens it.

Down the passage, from the kitchen window, shines a light. Red, unwavering, bright.

Again, Lucia’s hand rests on my shoulder. ‘It’s real’, she says. ‘That’s east.’    

The Garden

As a child, she swallowed clods of loam soil, followed by smooth pebbles. When left alone she could turn this matter into a garden. And so as she grew, so a softer place grew up inside her: a quiet haunt that had not made a way for words to enter, a world left unspoilt by such imperfect things. It was a place another might like to find, to hide, someone who would not tread on the unfurling tendrils, nor dig too close to the roots, or take stones where they didn’t belong. Someone who knew all about silence.


Christmas Tales

Nobody Writes to the Fat Man

Holding a pair of darned socks and a hot water bottle, Albtraum stood outside the fat man’s room. The elf nudged the door open and peeked inside. By candle light, he saw his old friend, wearing nothing but his y-fronts, seated by the frosted window.

‘Leave everything on the bed, Albtraum.’

The elf placed the things down with deliberate slowness and then, light of foot, stepped just outside the door and watched as Santa continued to trace, on each of the frosted panes, the names of all the children, who no longer wrote him letters.

 

Santa’s Wish

His sleigh alighted upon her roof. Despite the years, his descent down her chimney still sent butterflies up inside him. The rooms of the house, though changed, remained familiar. He placed his gloves on the bare marble mantelpiece, where once he’d have found a plate of gingerbread and a picture she’d drawn, her name written in crayon, always brick red, the letters becoming smaller over time.

Inside her room, she no longer needed a nightlight; instead a reading lamp shone above her, asleep, her cheek resting on an open book: her quivering eyelashes scratched at the pages. A pair of silk stockings hung from the bedpost.

She’d believed longer than anyone. But nothing lasted. He came closer, switched off the light, reached for her stockings.

Illustrations by Hannes Pasqualini


Sons of Sorrow

Sons of Sorrow

They rode into town at sundown, wild boys on black horses. Sorrow, on a white horse with no saddle, galloped ahead of them. It wasn’t enough that some called her a witch, others dared say that her sons were her lovers, too. Fathered by the devil all. In the saloon, they drank spirits, sang their songs; while the women locked their daughters up: girls who, stifled and broken-hearted, stripped off their bodices, and undressed. But the men, who could hold their drink with vigilance, stayed at the bar all night, until Sorrow and her sons rode back east at dawn.

The Bird Seller

 Alfonso Dominguez Bécquer always wore a white suit with white shoes. The cages, too, he’d painted white. To the boys, who caught the birds, he didn’t pay much. Enough to keep them out of school. He sold doves, pigeons, canaries and lovebirds. But there was one bird he’d never sell. It was not a rare bird, but he watched over it like a hawk. He fed it the best seed, changed its water often and kept it in the shade. Nevertheless, every night the dream reoccurred: the small bird pecking out his eyes, blood all down his white suit.

Tomorrow

 A fly rested on the lamp nearby. Frank sat smoking; a deaf tap sent ash from his cigar falling like snow. Nobody was around. When a man has thoughts of tomorrow to contend with, a fly has no place being there. Breathing cigar air, he relaxed his hand, unfurled a fleshy palm. The fly edged across the lamp. Frank noticed the abundance of grey hairs entwined about his wrist watch; smoke fled from his nostrils. Time held, and the fly flew its erratic way nearby, where, closed in tight by soft flesh, death came so slow, it made no sense. 

The Dolls

 Grandmother gave Alice her first doll when she was four. The doll resembled her: the dark hair, brown eyes, and a complexion like porcelain. Cradling her doll, Alice sat on Grandmother’s lap to hear of the night the house burnt down. She was taken in her sleep, but escaping the officer’s grip she ran into the house to save them. Upstairs on a flaming bed sat the family of burning dolls. She could get no closer before the black glove grabbed her. But Grandmother swore that their once dark eyes shone like emeralds, and their little mouths cried out.  

 Gone

 ‘Were you there the day the sun got lost?’ she asked him. He said he wasn’t, hesitating because he didn’t really know if he was telling the truth. She might well have asked him if he’d been there the day the Berlin Wall came down or the day the music died. For all he knew he was and he wasn’t. She herself probably didn’t remember if she was or wasn’t there, but just to prove that she surely had been, she went on to describe how the sun that day was there and then, just like that, it wasn’t. 

Hidden

 She ran, remembered never to look back. On the other side of the woods, she saw the old Mill – just how she’d seen it drawn in her story book at home. The door had been forced off its hinges then propped up, barring the entrance. The door was too heavy for her to move, but she was small enough to crawl through the gap. Sunlight broke through the windows where boys had thrown stones. Finding the darkest corner, she crouched down and covered herself. She could hear them calling out her name, but she knew not to answer.  

The Last Librarian

 The library was abandoned. The librarians long dead. Yet the books remained impeccable upon their shelves. A hollow sound rippled from the volumes as Jane ran her finger along them. She had removed one, opened it to the middle page, when uneven footsteps shifted across the polished floors with the echo of a tiny, insistent cough. Jane replaced the book, and turned towards the way she’d come, but there, at the top of the winding staircase, stood a woman of indeterminable age with a feather duster, the scepter of her reign, gripped in her blue-veined hands. ‘They’re not for reading.’

The Sicilian Defence

 Giuseppina was a relentless cook. Never had the pasta been anything but al dente. The boy sat in the big armchair in the darkened lounge at the same board, as if nothing had happened. He knew the old man’s opening game better than he knew his own. He played with the caution his adversary had not. His mother would look in on him once in a while, wiping her hands on her apron, before returning to the kitchen. She had used the same knife she now used to chop onions. A good wife knows the way to her man’s heart.

The Ballerina

 All afternoon I lay on the couch, staring at the picture on her wall: a ballerina sitting, lacing her shoe, a raised leg, a bended knee. Then her key turned in the lock. I pretended to be asleep, but she’d seen my dangling feet in socks. She put down her purse. In a while I followed her into the bedroom. The curtains were drawn and the room was dark, and cool. She removed her stockings, and everything else; her dress lay on the floor. Her pale body seemed the source of that coolness. ‘I’m tired,’ she said. ‘Let me sleep.’

Spaceman 

The spaceman drifted farther out into space. The coiled silver tube that had attached him to the mothership, severed by his own hands, resembled an umbilical cord. Death crept gently in, and life seeped out. The spaceman came to look on the galaxy that was so infinitely vast, and yet about to crush him. He’d come as far as he could go – further than he had imagined – only to see that the stars were no closer to him now than they’d ever been on earth. Yet still, with everything that was his last, he reached out.

 Eves

 He awoke oddly famished. Then, on his way down to the corner café, he noticed they were all gone, vanished from the world. The very idea was absurd. He had not expected the solution offered by the Agency to be quite so final. He supposed that the mediators had altered his vision, removed or transformed them maybe, rendering them unrecognisable. But it was not long before he stopped wondering about them altogether. He was too busy collecting the fleshy rib bones he found everywhere: on the streets, in parks, and offices. Too preoccupied by his bizarre desire for the meat. 

 The Killer

 The jury was out. The newspapers had their front page. Tommy’s parents turned off the television; they’d seen enough. His mother, knitting another sweater for the hard months to come, stared red eyed at the framed photograph at her bedside: little Tommy with his curly locks, stark blue eyes and strange pouting lips, sat, dressed in a sailor suit, sword raised, on a rocking-horse; while his father, the good minister, gently rocked him back and forth with his foot, reading aloud from the book of Revelations: the opening of the second seal, the horse of red, a slayer of men. 

Let her

He awoke in the middle of the night with the feeling that someone had just sat on the empty couch in his head. How he’d missed the tickle of those springs, collapsing then bouncing under the pressure of a soft behind.  He lay back slowly down on his pillow, closed his eyes, and waited for the sweet warmth that soon would gather there. Gently, he began to hum when he felt a pair of legs come up to fill the remaining space: two feet nestling in at the opposite corner, and a rosy cheek, asleep upon the arm rest.   

 

 

Illustrations by Hannes Pasqualini  ©


Like Rain

The rain never let up. And all the while she could see him standing out on the street across from her apartment, looking up at her window, his blue umbrella always open but held so far back that the water got under his skin anyway. She fought the urge to shout down to him, to tell him to be sensible – to go home.

A part of her wanted to let him in, take off his wet clothes, run a hot bath, together maybe. But then she remembered the rain, and how much they were alike. He never did let up.

 


The Soldier

The Great War was firmer in his mind than the raised butter knife in his hand. He saw himself in the glint of the blade and hid it beneath a napkin. His daughter came in with tea on a wooden tray, printed with a depiction of a provincial French scene.

He walked forever before coming to a stone house just out of the woods. Stepping over a soldier’s boots, stuffed with lavender flowers, he went in – rifle on his back. There was a sad laughter coming from behind a closed door. And on the kitchen table, a glass of anisette on a wooden tray.       

 


In the Shade at Noon

It was noon and the bar was closing for siesta. By the fountain, in the shade, his mandolin held against his chest, José stood waiting. The sun burned directly above as Mariana, the barista, stepped out into the deserted street. She walked across to the fountain and José began to play. He played her song; he played until his fingers bled. But as he played, the sun drifted, and so the shade departed, taking Mariana, without a glance, back to the other side of the street. Tomorrow the sun would burn again. Tomorrow José would be waiting.

illustrated by Hannes Pasqualini